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hello summer, hello rain
recently I've been beginning to think about how others see me and what I
may have done to create this image
do people see me as trustworthy, caring and nice?
maybe im nothing like that at all
perhaps im awkward, confronting and insecure
regardless of how other perceive me, I don't know who I am myself
I've also become aware that im really not a truthful person, not so much
in a negative way
but I believe more so that people see me as more of a nice person than I
really am
I talk to people I don't like talking to,
I spend time with people I can't stand being around,
I lie about my feelings to those who I should be most truthful to
and why?
I believe its all connected to some sort of positive image im trying to
create
I want others to like me, who actually wants to be disliked
but now im confronted with the confusion of the essential problems
is it better to be truthful and hurt
or be someone you're not in order to save someones feelings
but essentially make yourself more miserable
these thoughts are distracting me, I need a resolution

jewels for eyes

today i deleted my past posts, even though there were only two of them

this was all in an attempt to continue forgetting my past, and mostly the people that were in it

im moving on, finally after months of thinking things would resolve themselves in a perfect manner

its time to refocus, organise and prioritise

and now seems the ideal time for this to happen

another thing ive noticed is that my friends are disappearing as quickly as ive gained them

i dont trust many people anymore and there arent many that i enjoy spending my time with

this poses the questions of why do i spend time with people who dont appreciate me, or that i dont even like being around

theres one girl i care about more than anyone, want to spend all of my time with and will always remember as my best friend, because she really is

rhiannon, my big sister, the girl who has been more of a mother to me then my biological one has

the only person i will ever trust completely without any doubts

the time has arrived to appreciate the real things and erase the fake

im changing, as i always have

but im going to change for the better this time