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today my sister was given a late birthday present
a photo of (in order) joanne, rhiannon, myself and our store manager
alana
it was taken at our mcdonalds work xmas party a few weeks ago and today
was the first time id seen the photo, its most likely one of the only
general photos of myself I can tolerate
and besides, it was a very enjoyable night
:)
meanwhile, today was the definition of unusual
no.
the past two days have been equally strange and unnerving
I've caught the cold my sister has gotten rid of and have the slight
feeling of death constantly upon me
but lately it has been a time of more movies at brittanys house :)
beach three times in the past two days
burritos and star shaped cookies
cookies, mango frappe and pumpkin scallops
my first viewing of paranormal activity
and I've become more confused and tangled in my thoughts of him
its constantly awkward now
pretty sure every risk wasn't worth it and im no longer wanted or needed
although a time came last night where I actually had courage and went to
talk to him
only to discover when he opened the door that he was on the phone to his
ex girlfriend
that was my cue to leave
what was I supposed to do, ask to talk to him when he was finished and
then explain an extended response of emotion and complicated situations
:| eh, but of course maybe I should have just said it
he never replies any other way, I've tried countless times
perhaps this is where I should conclude
it shouldn't be this difficult, maybe it simply shouldn't be
im yet to decide my next plan of action
Im so pathetic, why do I have no self confidence or feeling of
independence
security is the one feeling I crave
the one feeling I cannot have
I need my friends, who all happen to be on holidays
I need to be positive
I need inspiration