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im completely ruining my own life
im aware of this and yet I can't stop myself
but not only am I hurting myself, im consequently hurting someone else
as well
its amazing how much someone can turn your life upside down in the space
of a few weeks
you can see them for a month and they can affect you for a year
im not happy with what im doing
im not proud, motivated
I didn't want it to be like this at all
im lying to myself making excuses for the choices im making
im also losing people to share these thoughts with and the reasons
behind them
everything im doing is so immoral that im not even sure who would accept
it
who would really understand my point of view or reasoning
right now there is only one person who knows everything, I trust her so
much and im thankful that she actually cares about me
im feeling complete indecision
I know I can make everything right and in the long term it would be
worth this small sacrifice
but I would rather fake everything until the point comes where I must
give in
must be truthful
and essentially, must tear them apart
why can I never do the right thing no matter how obvious it is
and why do I continue to fail everyone I meet