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"most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be"

two days remaining of this school year

twenty three days remaing of this year

three terms reamining of my hsc year

all the pressure ive been feeling lately is slowly disapparating

although the thoughts resulting in my personal confusing are gathering with each minute of the day

im still hurting them, im consequently hurting myself

it must come to an end, i canot continue this way if i plan to keep any self respect

my past is becoming more distant, but i have the feeling that one reminder of it will bring it flowing back to me, and i have no idea if i could bear it

but then again, there are days i contemplate attempting to reconnect with him

in the chance that there may be something left

but im lying to myself, there isnt, there wont be and im now unsure if there ever was

but at the same time that im filled with disbelief of these mixed emotions

im relieved that much stress is drawing to a close

im spending more time with sarah than anyone else, and i enjoy myself around her

im forgetting all my problems and instead worrying about how many times to listen to "chocolate, raspberry lemon and lime", "ice cream", "muscles" or how many tim tams we can together consume.

I like the feeling that i can associate with her, careless and thougtless, freedom and aspirations

i want this to continue as the holidays progress, i want to be happy, i want to make everyone happy

as ridiculous as that sounds

these holidays will be my open opportunity to be true to myself and through that realisation

i wont lie to myself to save someone else, i wont be ignorant in order to savour happiness or a small space in time

im surrounding myself with what makes me smile