that plan was much more than a failure
im not sure how much more I can stand of this constant disappointment
carols in the domaine,
my friends leave me to talk to german travellers
don't realise I've been gone for two hours and am outside the park not
allowed back in because its over capacity
didn't seem to realise I had been crying trying to get back to them
missed the majority of the carols while sitting in the street among a
few hundred people who were also in a similar situation
it was the definition of ridiculous
I had the worst time, it rained
im disappointed in my friends, myself.
but regardless of what happened last night,
things can always get worse
living here, away from my mother has worked out pretty well, im away
from her mood swings, rages, sadness
ridiculous efforts and hopeless attempts at parenting
but no matter how far away I am from her,
of course she can always make me feel like nothing if she reallly wants
to
the carols last night now behind me,
starting to today with my mother forcing me to recognise how much of a
mindless daughter I am to her
im no longer enjoying anything
please, can this all just be over and can somehow my life be returned to
a state that I can actually control
as right now im clueless as to what im supposed to do, about anything
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sleepover on tuesday! :)
ReplyDeletei know, the germans. how nice of them, no not even notice you were gone so they could talk up boys older than them who they dont even know.
and when sarah, aly and ev left i was just sitting there on the rug alone during the rest of the carols. it was great, and naomi and hayley asked me if i wanted to sit with them, near all the boys they were like horney for. i said come on guys come sit over here, can we go to the toliet? and they are like ' awhhh can we stay here, i dont want to'
i love you.